In a move that’s sure to delight local
shop owners and the general public, the Nicholson Street Mall will reopen to vehicles this week — after years of pleading from local business owners concerned with antisocial behaviour.
The decision was explained by local urban designer April Foolsby.
“We needed to restore the thrill of driving past shops while dodging cyclists,
dogs and distracted patrons. It’s highly
efficient chaos.”
Under the new plan, cars will have exclusive lanes, drive-through coffee access and even “pedestrian dodging zones”.
One local shopkeeper said she’s thrilled.
“Finally, I can watch someone parallel park while holding a flat white and not someone screaming at magpies.”
Locals are encouraged to send feedback to a.fools@gotya.com.au, though were warned “responses may be ignored if they show even a hint of logic or common sense”.
It’s also been revealed, in a bold bonus
for thrill-seekers: the Bairnsdale Outdoor Pool will reopen… but only in winter,
for fans of icy dips and questionable
life choices.
